Saturday, October 14, 2017
I'm sorry.
Probably the most powerful phrase in our society aside from saying " I love you".
Which is why it is one of the hardest phrases to say because of the weight it carries.
Why is that when we hear how something we've done or said has affected someone negatively don't we feel any form of remorse, regret or empathy? Why in response do we look for more reasons to bash and be-little one another? Why is 'defense' always our first instinct? ( I am so guilty of this)
Why can't we just say I'm sorry. Why can't we choose the higher road if only to bring less heartache, pain and sorrow to the other person. No we can not change how it was received and no we can't go back and change how it was delivered. So why not before speaking or acting take a moment, step back and fully submerse yourself in the other persons shoes. How would you receive this exact message or gesture? How would you prefer it to be delivered? I bet if we did that we could save a lot of heartache both on them and ourselves.
To me I'm sorry is vulnerability. I'm sorry is bravery. I'm sorry is humbling. I'm sorry is strength. I'm sorry is acceptance. I'm sorry is being present and aware. I'm sorry is empathy. I'm sorry is a new beginning. I'm sorry is peace. I'm sorry is love.
We are all entitled to our own thoughts, opinions, judgements, critiques, and even our own responses. But 9x's out of 10 those thoughts should be kept to ourselves. A lesson we all, including myself have to learn the hard way time and time again. I've been taught that there is no such thing as 'constructive' criticism. There is only criticism that can be used to make changes for the better if we choose. It is our obligation to ask the other person before giving criticism if they are willing to listen and if the time is right. No matter when or how it is given if the time is not right it will not be well received, which further more makes it useless criticism and more so just hurtful opinions of another person.
Dr. John L. Lund ( author and marriage counselor) teaches that not forgiving is a one way freeway to depression. It always has and always will lead to depression over time. If we live with resentment there is no room in our heart for love. Resentment devours love.
He teaches that the keys to forgiveness are: treating the other person with respect, working towards building a new history of positive behaviors with one another, not being held hostage by our past, and moving forward in that relationship. You may and probably will have to earn that trust back but you should not have to earn forgiveness. It is our duty to forgive. D&C 19
I have many thoughts and feelings on this subject but when it comes down to it is as simple as " I'm sorry". I wanted to write out these thoughts so that the next time I encounter an opportunity to forgive or to be forgiven I will have this simple reminder. To me love is light and we could use a lot more of it. Here is my daily reminder to be a little more humble, a lot more loving, and a lot more forgiving to others and to ourselves included. The Savior already paid the price for our sins. You taking that role upon your self won't change that.
Mosiah 26:22-23, 30-31
22. For behold, this is my church whosoever is baptized shall be baptized unto repentance. And whomsoever ye receive shall believe in my name; and him will I freely forgive.
23. For it is that taketh upon me the sins of the world; for it is I that hath created them; and it is I that granteth unto him that believeth unto the end a place at my right hand.
30. Yea and as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me.
31. And ye shall also forgive one another your trespasses; for verily I say unto you, he that forgiveth not his neighbors trespasses when he says that he repents, the same hath brought himself under condemnation.
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