I'm sorry.

Probably the most powerful phrase in our society aside from saying " I love you".
Which is why it is one of the hardest phrases to say because of the weight it carries.

Why is that when we hear how something we've done or said has affected someone negatively don't we feel any form of remorse, regret or empathy? Why in response do we look for more reasons to bash and be-little one another? Why is 'defense' always our first instinct? ( I am so guilty of this)
Why can't we just say I'm sorry. Why can't we choose the higher road if only to bring less heartache, pain and sorrow to the other person. No we can not change how it was received and no we can't go back and change how it was delivered. So why not before speaking or acting take a moment, step back and fully submerse yourself in the other persons shoes. How would you receive this exact message or gesture? How would you prefer it to be delivered? I bet if we did that we could save a lot of heartache both on them and ourselves.

To me I'm sorry is vulnerability. I'm sorry is bravery. I'm sorry is humbling. I'm sorry is strength. I'm sorry is acceptance. I'm sorry is being present and aware. I'm sorry is empathy. I'm sorry is a new beginning. I'm sorry is peace. I'm sorry is love.

We are all entitled to our own thoughts, opinions, judgements, critiques, and even our own responses. But 9x's out of 10 those thoughts should be kept to ourselves. A lesson we all, including myself have to learn the hard way time and time again. I've been taught that there is no such thing as 'constructive' criticism. There is only criticism that can be used to make changes for the better if we choose. It is our obligation to ask the other person before giving criticism if they are willing to listen and if the time is right. No matter when or how it is given if the time is not right it will not be well received, which further more makes it useless criticism and more so just hurtful opinions of another person.

Dr. John L. Lund ( author and marriage counselor) teaches that not forgiving is a one way freeway to depression. It always has and always will lead to depression over time. If we live with resentment there is no room in our heart for love. Resentment devours love.
He teaches that the keys to forgiveness are: treating the other person with respect, working towards building a new history of positive behaviors with one another, not being held hostage by our past, and moving forward in that relationship. You may and probably will have to earn that trust back but you should not have to earn forgiveness. It is our duty to forgive. D&C 19 

I have many thoughts and feelings on this subject but when it comes down to it is as simple as " I'm sorry". I wanted to write out these thoughts so that the next time I encounter an opportunity to forgive or to be forgiven I will have this simple reminder. To me love is light and we could use a lot more of it. Here is my daily reminder to be a little more humble, a lot more loving, and a lot more forgiving to others and to ourselves included. The Savior already paid the price for our sins. You taking that role upon your self won't change that.

Mosiah 26:22-23, 30-31  
22. For behold, this is my church whosoever is baptized shall be baptized unto repentance. And whomsoever ye receive shall believe in my name; and him will I freely forgive. 
23. For it is that taketh upon me the sins of the world; for it is I that hath created them; and it is I that granteth unto him that believeth unto the end a place at my right hand. 
30. Yea and as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me. 
31. And ye shall also forgive one another your trespasses; for verily I say unto you, he that forgiveth not his neighbors trespasses when he says that he repents, the same hath brought himself under condemnation. 

Infinite Hope

I have this wild fascination with the sky. The clouds, the colors, the sun, the moon, the stars.  At least once a day I will stop and say out loud "look how beautiful the sky looks". Most of the time I will even pull the car over just to get a perfect picture, only to be disappointed because we all know it never looks the same. I have sat and asked myself multiple times why I love it so much. Why it affects me the way it does. What is it that I find so beautiful about the sun hiding behind the clouds creating a that perfect light reflection? Why do the cotton candy colors of the sunset make my heart flutter the way they do? Why does watching the sun rise fill my soul with so much peace? Why does laying under a star filled sky make me feel like I can do anything or be anyone. The sky is so big, SO much bigger than any one of us. It feels like a big breath of fresh air. It is one thing that is constant in our lives. No matter what is going on or where we are the sun rises and sets each day. It is ever changing and no two are the same. The sky gives me an overwhelming feeling of hope and closeness to our Father in Heaven. It is strong and powerful but can be generous and forgiving. It feels big and far away but when I look up into the sky I feel that much closer to those I am missing in this life and even those in the life after. Your sun is my sun. Your moon is my moon. Nothing is more beautiful to me than the hope, peace, and comfort I feel being close to the ones I love.

June 6th

It has taken me over a week to sit down and reflect back on this day. I’ve been keeping myself artificially ‘busy’ to avoid a meltdown. June 6th was an emotional and life changing day for me. What was once my constant, comfortable lifestyle and routine for almost 8 years has now done a complete 180'. I don’t even know who Stacey is without dance, Cirque, or performing. It feels like losing and finding myself all at the same time. It feels like a cement block has been lifted from my chest but that my heart is breaking into a million pieces. I feel relieved, alive and free but lost, anxious and scared. The true definition of #allthefeels. Just the thought of writing about this day brings me to tears. Sad tears of missing my old life and friends but excited and happy tears for what's to come. I have the opportunity right to now create the exact future that I want. I can be whoever I want to be. Do whatever I want to do. It’s actually kind of amazing! I've got a clean slate right in front of me. I recently heard in a class I took that all of our dreams, goals, and results happen outside of our comfort zone. Right now is my time to get uncomfortable. To create a life for myself that makes me happy and ultimately a life that my Father in Heaven is proud of. He didn't send us here to be miserable. Though I do question his intentions somedays haha I know that he wants us to be happy and successful and good. Just be good. Get up every morning and do your best for that day. Whatever "your best" looks like on that dreaded Monday morning, or gloomy Tuesday, or dragging hump-day. If you do your best, try your hardest, be kind, serve others, dream big, think positive, and surround yourself with people who challenge and inspire you to be better, everything will work out! xo

Reality.

Reality is we are all human. We all experience self doubt, stress, and anxiety to some degree. I like to tell my riders in class "control what you can control (your breathing, your thoughts, your attitude), and let go of the rest." We are human. We will have bad days where we feel insecure, under appreciated, overly dramatic or sensitive, under qualified, unprepared, overwhelmed, or sometimes just plain exhausted. But guess what.. its OK! Feel those feelings, they are real. Live in those feelings for a moment and then take a step back and refocus. WHY are you feeling this way? Did you see an instagram photo of someone with an amazing body and now you feel jealous or even angry because even after all your hard work why doesn't your body look that way? Did you procrastinate and now you are left scrambling at the last minute to get something done? Are you financially stressed and wondering how you are going to provide or pay the bills? Did you stay up late stressing over a to-do list that only seems to keep growing until 2am and you've got to be up at 6am?
We've all been there. It's about getting up, evaluating your situation, creating some sort of 'plan of action' and then moving forward one step at a time. I've never been very good at managing my emotions. Today when I woke up the stress and anxiety was so present it was as if someone was sitting on my chest making it difficult to breathe. I felt like crawling in a hole and hiding until these next 2 weeks are over. But guess what... even then it won't be over. Because that is life. We can't let these fears or anxieties control us. Find an outlet. Write out your thoughts, call friend to vent, realize that maybe its not as bad as you think it is, get yourself a treat and keep chipping away! Reality is... you're probably doing a lot better than you think you are!